Case #0003024
VerdictThe People
v.
Still thinks firefighters are better
Zane v. Jacob/Work/Filed Sep 25, 2026
Became a cop but still believes firefighters are better
Plaintiff
Zane@soul
For some reason he believes that firefighters are the true first responders and police are actually just "second responders", even though all firefighters do is ruin scenes. Damn water fairies...
Defense
Jacob
I prefer to be the police. Never said one was better or worse
Findings of the court
Zane alleges that Jacob ranks firefighters above police and calls police “second responders.” Jacob denies making that comparison and states only a preference to be police.
- The record contains no exhibits supporting the alleged firefighter-first ranking or the quoted phrase “second responders.”
- Jacob expressly denies saying either profession is better or worse.
- Zane’s additional claim that firefighters “ruin scenes” does not establish Jacob’s alleged position; it merely opens a second, equally unsupported front.
The court has reached a decision.
VerdictPreference Is Not a Ranking; Jacob Prevails
The Court is asked to determine whether Jacob still thinks firefighters are better than police. On this record, it cannot find that he does. Zane attributes a specific hierarchy and quotation to Jacob but supplies no exhibit or corroborating detail. Jacob denies the hierarchy and states that he prefers to be police. That preference is not proof that firefighters are better, worse, first, second, or adorned with aquatic wings. The record is thin, but it permits a ruling: the complained-of position has not been established, and Jacob prevails.
Order
Zane shall retire “water fairies” from this dispute and restate Jacob’s position accurately once.
The Court finds no proven hierarchy among sirens.
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1 vote
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